So a few months back, I was in Philadelphia for business. I was standing outside of the office building downtown having a cigarette. I’m a self admitted people watcher. That’s a nice way of saying I like to watch beautiful women walk by. I started to notice that women with big tits appeared to walk quieter than women with small tits. Was there a pattern here? Do big tits absorb more of the shock when walking? It sure would make sense. Is this true for women with big asses? What about a women with a big rack and a big trunk? Would she have an uncanny ability to sneak up on me? Fuck! What about augmented breasts versus natural breasts? Is synthetic more efficient at noise reduction?
I’m certain there is a science here and that some organization should dump billions of fucking dollars to study this phenomena. Until then, I say to all women, if you want them to hear you coming opt for a breast reduction. Otherwise, silence you infidel!
No women were harmed in the making of this article.